Hot Take: You Can Do It All, Just Not All at Once (or All by Yourself)
A few hot takes on why I'm passionate about moms taking ownership of what they want in life and then building an integrated life to get it.
There’s a quiet reckoning happening among working moms.
For years, we were told: You can do it all.
Career. Motherhood. Marriage. Friendships. Health. Purpose.
And many of us have (and/or are) trying…earnestly, bravely, and relentlessly.
Now we’re watching a wave of women step away from work entirely, not because they lack ambition or ability, but because they are burned out. Betrayed by a narrative that suggested if they just worked harder or managed better, it would all fit.
This USA Today article cites a study that says working moms of children under the age of five has dropped by 3% since 2023, which is when the participation rate was at its highest.
I’m not saying the data shouldn’t drop…if moms are making the decision to leave the workforce because it’s what we/they want to do or we/they’ve decided it’s the best choice for their family, I am the first to cheer them/us on.
However, if moms are leaving the workforce because they don’t have the support they need or because they don’t see that it’s possible to work and be the mom we/they want to be, then I hope to be a part of the solution.
I don’t think we’re wrong to believe we can do it all.
But I do think we were never meant to physically do it all alone, all at once.
My Hot Take: The Real Problem Isn’t Ambition. It’s Integration.
The issue isn’t that women want too much.
The issue is that we were sold a version of “doing it all” that required personal depletion as the cost of entry.
I wonder if what’s actually burning moms out isn’t working.
It’s over-functioning.
Carrying every decision
Holding every mental load
Being the default for everything
Never zooming out to ask, What do I actually want right now?
That’s not empowerment. That’s exhaustion.
In the seasons of my life when I’ve felt like all of the above (reality check…it was two weeks ago on a Saturday when I was in tears at the library with my daughter in the children’s book section), I feel lonely, irritable, and depressed—prime symptoms of exhaustion.
And let’s be honest, many of the women I know in the workforce aren’t just carrying the load I listed above but are also carrying that load in their work setting as well:
Picking up the pieces for teammates that dropped the ball
Following up because they never heard back from their boss about the thing they’ve been waiting on
Wearing multiple hats because other roles on the team haven’t been filled
Being the sounding board for their teammates to air their hurt and frustration
It’s no wonder we’re exhausted in every area of life.
But here’s the thing…
Capacity Is Being Built, Even When It Doesn’t Look Like Progress
Here’s the reframe most moms need but rarely hear:
What feels like falling behind is often capacity being built.
Capacity is one of my favorite words, but it’s also one that often gets a confused look. So let me try to make it more concrete.
Think of your favorite tote bag.
That bag has a finite amount of space. It can only hold so much—whether it’s books, diapers, a laptop, snacks, toys, or groceries, before it’s full.
The same is true for us.
We each have a limited capacity to hold responsibility, relationships, work, emotional labor, decision-making, and care. And most moms (I’m the first to say, “it’s me!!!”), don’t slowly fill their jars, we stack everything at once.
Kids.
Work.
Marriage.
Friendships.
Extended family.
School calendars.
Birthday parties.
Church commitments.
Invisible emotional labor no one sees.
Eventually, the tote bag overflows.
And what spills out usually isn’t peace.
It’s resentment.
Irritability.
Escapism.
Guilt.
Anger.
Exhaustion.
That’s not a character flaw.
That’s a capacity issue.
But here’s the part we miss:
Before we live over-capacity, there is often a season of capacity building…a stretching phase where things feel uncomfortable, inefficient, and unclear.
In that season, many women are:
learning how to make values-based decisions
renegotiating who they are now (not who they used to be)
noticing what actually gives them energy and what quietly drains it
realizing they cannot, and should not, carry everything forever
That work is invisible.
It doesn’t show up on résumés or highlight reels.
But it’s foundational.
Capacity is built before clarity.
Integration comes before sustainability.
The problem is that many of us stop in the middle of capacity building, right when it gets uncomfortable.
We’ve been taught that discomfort is a sign something is wrong.
But discomfort is often a sign that something is growing.
And if there’s any season that requires growth, adaptation, and expansion, it’s motherhood.
You’re not failing because this feels hard.
You’re stretching so your life can eventually hold more without breaking.
Hot Take: We Can Do It All, Just Not All at the Same Time
One of the most damaging myths of modern motherhood is that if you’re capable, everything should move forward simultaneously.
But an integrated life doesn’t mean:
every role is equally prioritized at all times
nothing ever has to give
rest is something you earn later
An integrated life means:
you know what season you’re in
you’re honest about tradeoffs
you’re choosing alignment over perfection
Some seasons are for building.
Some are for maintaining.
Some are for pulling back and reassessing.
None of those seasons mean you’re failing.
Doing It All Doesn’t Mean Doing It Alone
Here’s where burnout actually happens:
Women don’t burn out because they’re doing meaningful things.
They burn out because they’re doing everything themselves.
Integration requires work:
naming what you’re holding out of obligation or guilt
asking for help (even when it feels uncomfortable)
outsourcing what doesn’t require you to be the one doing it
This is not weakness.
This is leadership.
You are the only one who can decide what matters most in your life, but you do not have to carry it all alone.
The Work Is Worth It
An integrated life doesn’t magically appear.
It’s built intentionally, imperfectly, and over time.
It requires reflection.
Honest conversations.
Boundary-setting.
And the courage to design a life that actually fits you.
But the payoff is real:
less resentment
more energy
clearer priorities
a version of “doing it all” that is sustainable, not sacrificial
You’re not behind.
You’re not broken.
You’re not failing.
You’re building the capacity required for the life you want, and that work matters more than you know.
A Question to Sit With
What is one thing you’re doing because you think you should, not because it gives you life?
And what would it look like to loosen your grip on it, just a little?
Looking for a sounding board to help you process this? Our Get Mom Ready crew is here for you.