7 Things Raising a Toddler Is Teaching Me
Equal parts humbling and helpful, even when it's uncomfortable (which feels like all of the time)
Raising a toddler is…revealing, humbling, fun, hard, exhausting, life-giving…everything all at once.
I feel like my daughter went to bed 23 months and 30 days old and then woke up on her 2nd birthday with super powers to do the opposite of everything I say and push my buttons.
But I’ve been reflecting over the last couple of weeks how I’m being shaped and formed in this season in a very specific, sometimes uncomfortable, oh wow, I didn’t realize that about myself kind of way.
It’s like living with a tiny mirror that follows you around all day.
Here are a few things it’s been reflecting back to me lately:
1. I’m way more impatient than I thought
I knew I wasn’t the most patient person in the world, but raising a toddler has put a giant spotlight on it.
The constant repetition. The slow pace. The unpredictability. The “no” to everything.
It’s not that I didn’t know this about myself…I just didn’t realize how quickly it would show up when things aren’t moving at my speed.
My reflection question to myself: Why do I feel the need for everything to be fast-paced? (My therapist told me once I have a very interesting relationship with time…that I’m always racing against it.) I know I’ll look back on these years and wish they were slower, so what does it look like to slow them down intentionally while I’m in it?
2. I love a plan more than I thought I did
I’ve never labeled myself as a super structured or routine-driven person, but give me a day where things go according to plan? I’m thriving.
Give me a day where nap is off, meals are weird, or the schedule gets thrown? I feel frustrated immediately.
Apparently, I like predictability more than I realized.
And toddlerhood is…not that.
My reflection question to myself: What does it look like to embrace the days that don’t go according to plan with joy and gratitude even when shifting my mindset feels like work?
3. I like to be doing something
Weekends with no plans used to sound restful.
Now? I get antsy.
Part of it might just be this toddler stage where I can’t fully relax because she’s one second away from climbing something or putting something questionable in her mouth.
But I’ve realized I don’t love just sitting around the house in this season.
I like a plan. An outing. A walk. Something that gives the day a little shape.
My reflection question to myself: What does it look like for the doing something to be doing nothing?
4. What do we do with all the things??
A friend told me before I became a mom: “Just wait until you’re cleaning up a million tiny toys every night.”
And now my living room has tiny pieces of things everywhere.
In our episode with Ericka Graham, she talked about what it’s like to be a messy mom, and I love her ability to embrace the fact that there are sometimes toys everywhere at her house, and that doesn’t bother her.
She dropped this fire quote in the episode called “A Perfect Mom Would Not Be a Good Mom”
Take the world seriously but yourself lightly. The goal isn’t perfection, it’s being present.
I want more of that perspective!
My reflection question: What does it look like for me to be more present with my daughter, even when it feels messy?
5. Empathy hits different when you feel it
My daughter was sick last week. Then I got what she had. And wow. I remember thinking: she is tough.
She kept going. Still playing. Still engaging.
Meanwhile, I felt completely down for the count.
It made me realize how quick I can be to underestimate what someone else is carrying.
Whether it’s a toddler, a friend, or someone at work…we don’t always see the full weight of what they’re pushing through.
My reflection question: What does it look like to have more empathy and more grace for myself and others?
6. Slow down and actually listen
My daughter loves cheese. All forms of it: cottage cheese, string cheese, sliced cheese, mac and cheese.
The other day she kept saying “cheese,” and I was trying to guess what type she wanted from the fridge.
Cottage cheese? “No.”
String cheese? “No.”
Sliced cheese? “No.”
We went back and forth like this until I realized she was saying something before the word cheese and pointing.
Mac and cheese.
Specifically, the container with the five leftover pieces in the fridge that I had forgotten about.
It hit me in that moment how frustrating it must be to feel like you’re communicating clearly…and not be understood.
And then I thought, how often does that happen in my own relationships?
With my husband, with friends, and with work.
My reflection question: How often am I half-listening, jumping to conclusions, or trying to solve before I actually understand? Slow down and listen, Holly.
7. My energy is limited
This one feels simple, but it’s been clarifying. I don’t have unlimited capacity, and pretending I do just makes everything harder.
Raising a toddler has forced me to be more aware of where my energy is going, and whether it’s actually worth it.
Not everything deserves a yes, and not everything deserves my best energy. And that’s okay.
My reflection question: What deserves my best energy today, tomorrow, and the next day?
I don’t think any of these lessons are exclusive to motherhood, but toddlerhood has a way of accelerating them…or maybe for me, just forcing me to face them more head-on.
Like holding up a mirror and saying, hey… you might want to look at this.
Some of it is humbling.
Some of it is helpful.
Most of it (I think) is both.
If you made it this far, you deserve a gold star. This is therapeutic for me to write, especially on the days when it’s hard so I can remember that the version of me seven years ago wasn’t sure if I was ever going to be able to have a toddler of my own, so to even have the opportunity to write a reflection post like this is a gift.
Catch the full episode with Ericka Graham where we talk about how to overcome the desire to be the perfect mom and find freedom in being present instead: