The Cost of Constant Decision-Making

What I learned about anxiety, planning, and slowing down

I thought my anxiety meant I needed to try harder—to be more organized, more disciplined, more on top of things. What I didn’t realize was that my nervous system was exhausted from constant decision-making. I was living in survival mode and calling it flexibility.

I’m a therapist. And I didn’t see this coming.

Because being a therapist does not mean you have all the answers.

On the podcast this week, Jennifer Sise lovingly called me out and put words to something I felt in my body but couldn’t articulate. She said:

“You’re in constant decision-making mode, which causes chronic decision fatigue. Everything starts to feel impossible, so you just do what you know you have to do to get through the day—so you can live the life you want. But it’s not really the life that you want.”

I admitted that I do want to do it all. I want to be present with my kids all the time, and cook all the meals and drive them to the places they need to go and do the most work in the least amount of childcare time. And as surprise to no one but myself, it was not working the way I had planned. Because I didn’t have a plan.

A plan to me feels rigid. I started working for myself so that I didn’t have to follow a set schedule. So I could make my own hours. So I could see my clients in the times that worked for my family. So I could pivot work when the needs of my family changed. I didn’t realize that not having a plan for my week was causing chronic decision fatigue and leaving me less productive than I wanted to be.

I was constantly making decisions, constantly in survival mode, and just completing the task that felt the most urgent. This left each day with a to do list that felt disappointing and a feeling of “I should have been able to complete this”.

Does this happen to you, too? Do you feel like you are stuck in decision making mode? Do you feel like you are in survival mode? Constantly jumping from task to task?

This is what helped:

Jennifer helped talk through setting a time each week without distracting to plan our the following week. She calls it the “Do not disturb hour”. This seems obvious, but it really helped. Setting apart a do not disturb time, which means no phone, helped to prepare my brain to think of the week ahead.

First, I add in the things that I know are consistent such as childcare hours, client sessions, women’s bible study, children’s activities after school, and any appointments. Then I go in and add my workouts. These include time at the gym (with child care), and runs or walks with friends, or with the baby. Then, I add in the tasks that I need to do during hours of childcare on Tuesdays or Thursdays. And last, I add in less important tasks that I will leave for nap time on the days I don’t have childcare. This is because nap time is not always predictable! I leave my meal planning for when my husband and I are together talking about the following week.

A simple shift in how I structure my weeks has allowed me more space to get things done and to do the things I love. It also helps me to stay accountable to myself. Since the planning time was so intentional the week before, I feel accountable to get the tasks done in the allotted time. (such as writing this Substack post!) I only have this time to finish it, therefore it needs to get done !

After talking to Jennifer about my days, it has also allowed me to get curious about my energy at certain times of the day. I feel like I am solar powered. My brain works well during the day, but once the sun goes down, I cannot do work that requires a lot of brain power!

I’m also putting my therapist hat on here and noticing that when I was in chronic decision mode during my days, I noticed myself checking my phone more often to regulate, and distract me from the task at hand. Since I was constantly switching tasks, I wasn’t getting finishing anything. Therefore, fueling the anxiety loop. That doesn’t sound helpful, does it?

So here’s my takeaway and the paradox: We need to slow down. Anxiety matches your pace. If you’re rushing around, your body is going to stay in a high cortisol state. When we slow down, and leave enough time for a task, we feel better.

I’m committed to planning ahead and leaving more margin in my days. I’m also committed to making more decisions before the week starts, so my brain can rest during the days and I can be more present with my family.

If this resonated—if you’ve been living in constant decision-making mode and calling it flexibility—I highly recommend listening to the episode with Jennifer Sise. It helped me slow down, zoom out, and remember that we don’t need to do more—we need fewer decisions and more support.