Hot Take: You’re Allowed to Change Your Mind as a Mom
How I'm choosing curiosity over guilt...at least for now.
Somewhere along the way, we start believing that once we make a decision as a mom… it becomes part of our identity.
Working mom.
Stay-at-home mom.
Traveling mom.
Always-home mom.
Co-sleeping mom.
Strict bedtime mom.
No-screens mom.
Like once we pick it, we owe it permanence.
But here’s my hot take:
You’re allowed to change your mind as a mom.
Not because you’re flaky.
Not because you’re inconsistent.
But because motherhood is not static.
It’s seasonal.
The Season That Tested Me
January, February, and March were heavy travel months for me.
There was a three-week sprint where I was gone 12 of those days.
Twelve.
I felt the mom guilt. Of course I did.
There were moments in airport security lines where I thought,
“Should I be doing this?”
But here’s what I also know to be true:
When I feel fulfilled in my work — when I’m operating in my purpose — I show up better at home.
I am more present.
More patient.
More alive.
So instead of deciding from guilt, I decided from curiosity.
I told myself:
Let’s try this.
And if it doesn’t work, I can adjust.
Refusing to Live From Guilt
What I refuse to do is make decisions purely from guilt — and then quietly wonder for years:
What would have happened if I’d tried?
So we got creative.
For one trip, we flew my mom in so Elliott could join me for part of it and we turned it into a mini vacation.
For another stretch, I had to be in Missouri for two days and North Carolina for two days. I flew home late one night — it made zero logistical sense — just so I could walk Iris to school the next morning before heading back to the airport.
It wasn’t efficient.
But it mattered to me.
For another conference at a resort, we used points to fly my mom out. I brought Iris with me — the last time she could fly free before turning two. She had beach days with Mimi while I worked, and I saw her in the mornings and at night.
But guess what…we ended up in an Uber at 2am on the way to the ER because she had thrown up four times in 90 minutes. Turns out, FluB was the culprit.
Was that fun? No.
Was it simple? No.
Was I tired? Yes.
Was it worth trying? Absolutely.
And I would do it again, even with the flu, because I felt way better knowing she was with me and her Mimi than me being across the country with her dad alone navigating an awful sickness.
I talked allllllllll about what I learned navigating this in our episode called “I Left My Toddler for 8 Days. Here’s What Actually Happened.”
I don’t want to build my motherhood around fear of “what if I regret this?”
I’d rather build it around experimentation and honesty.
The Freedom of “We’ll See”
The truth is:
I don’t know yet what long-term travel will look like for our family.
I don’t know if I’ll love bringing her.
I don’t know if I’ll decide it’s too hard.
I don’t know if we’ll restructure everything next year.
But I refuse to lock myself into a version of motherhood that isn’t allowed to evolve.
Trying something doesn’t mean committing to it forever.
It means gathering data.
And motherhood is a lot of data collection.
You’re Not Betraying Your Kids by Being Honest About Yourself
There’s a quiet fear that if we change our minds, we’re being unstable.
But what if adaptability is actually stability?
What if our kids don’t need us to be rigid —
They need us to be reflective?
I want Iris to grow up seeing a mom who:
Thinks deeply.
Tries bravely.
Adjusts honestly.
And doesn’t let guilt run the show.
Here’s What I’m Learning
Motherhood isn’t about picking the “right” lane and staying in it.
It’s about paying attention.
If something works, we keep it.
If something doesn’t, we pivot.
That applies to:
Work decisions.
Travel rhythms.
Sleep plans.
School choices.
Friendships.
Marriage seasons.
You’re allowed to test.
You’re allowed to adapt.
You’re allowed to say, “This isn’t working anymore.”
That’s not instability.
That’s maturity.
So I’m curious:
Where have you changed your mind as a mom — and what did that season teach you?
Let’s normalize the pivot.
That's a great question, Holly! I've been a work from the office mom, a work at home mom, and now a homeschool mom, so I've changed my mind a few times (and on other matters, too).
As far as parenting goes, I think I've changed my mind the most in terms of how I schedule or build routines. I used to sit down with paper and plan out an ideal day and then try to recreate that on a daily basis. Now, I still plan, but I start from what our natural routines are (based on the personalities, proclivities, and interests of everyone in our house) and build a schedule from there. We still have a plan on paper, and we still aim to follow it, and it still stretches us to perform better than we would if left to ourselves, but it's a more natural fit with who we are.