34 Ways to Be a Good Friend (Without Asking “How Can I Help?”)

Practical ways to show up and say, “I see you,” without adding to her plate

Motherhood can be beautiful, but let’s be honest: it’s also exhausting, isolating, and sometimes downright overwhelming. In the middle of diapers, deadlines, and dishes, what we crave most is to feel seen.

And while these ideas are helpful on ordinary hard days, they become lifelines in seasons of severe stress — after a family death, during a tough diagnosis, in a week where she’s solo parenting and barely holding it together, or even, yes - the holiday season. That’s when thoughtful friends make the difference between feeling completely alone and remembering there’s a village.

And yet, when a friend is struggling, our instinct is often to text: “How can I help?”

It feels kind. But here’s the truth: that question often backfires. It puts the burden back on your friend — now she has to figure out what she needs, risk feeling like she’s asking too much, and carry guilt for saying it out loud. What she needs most in that moment isn’t another decision. She needs relief.

That’s where you come in.

Instead of asking, tell her what you’re going to do. Not in a pushy way, but in a loving, thoughtful, specific way. You’re lifting the load without making her hand it to you first.

Talk about a Christmas miracle!

I’ve had friends be this for me during some of my hardest seasons, and I can’t tell you the joy and relief it brings to an overloaded mom.

Here are 34 practical ways to be that kind of friend — small gestures and specific solutions that whisper, “You’re not alone in this.”